Sponsorship Available!!!

Obviously, because of my Elvis-like fame, you all know I will be appearing on the Howard Stern Show on November 3rd 2008. This could be your chance to make billions and billions of dollars!! Maybe even trillions....
"How?" you ask, like a jackass. I respond with "Hey, idiot. Do you not realize the incredibly ferocious marketing potential of The Howard Stern Show? No? Well, then. Have I got some news for you, asshole."
I am offering the chance for you, a jackass, to have your company's logo tattooed on my forehead. Now, I know at this point that you have already spilled a little pre-cum. But wait!!! There's more!!!
How much would you be willing to pay for something as profitable and as cool as this, an offer that easily compares to the badassedness of my douche cam? Oops, I mean web cam? Fifty Billion? Sixty Billion? No! Only a measly Thirty Five Billion!!!

A plug on Howard's show is worth 5 times that! I will even throw in a 5 min phone call, or I will leave a message on your answering machine (one or the other, no exceptions!).
You must be thinking that this offer is just too good to be true. Well, it is and it isn't. You see, I am also going to need to sever your leg. Far above the knee, preferably the entire leg. I plan to use the proceeds of this scam, errr, offer to have your detached limb sewed to my chest so I can literally kick peoples assess when they piss me off (Artie). I have a friend from Tijuana who has probably hacked off and reattached limbs for fun a few times, and he is cheap so he will be preforming the operation (no exceptions!)
If you arent a complete retard, click HERE for more information and to go to the ordering page.
Note: Only Caucasian legs will be accepted as it would look odd if the leg protruding from my chest was black or something. If someone of another race can somehow get ahold of a fresh white leg, that will be ok.

Bye For Now!

Eric The Actor Real Doll

Fuck, That. I'm not going to sit back in my pimp ass wheel chair and "stand" for this. Not for a fiddle playing second. I will say this once and once only, fat fucks: No Eric The Acting Real Doll. This shit is getting ridiculous. If for one second I see a redneck loser violating a doll that looks like me, there will many people who know what to do, doing what they intuitively do. Knowing what needs to be done is something that the legions of mass controlled sheeple that call me ACTOR call instinct, jackasses. Johnny has my back in this, I will sue you if you create a life-sized acting puppet/doll that fits snugly on a woman's hand, that will be used to stuff cocks.

That said, I'd like to cast my vote for a Lisa G Real Doll. I would also like to propose a bit where I hump said Lisa G doll, like I do my bed every second I'm not showing off on my fantastic web cam.

btw
If I was normal sized, I would have stabbed Artie when I met him recently. Choke on beef, you bloated junkie.

Bye For Now!

When is the last time your nose itched?

Enough, Wrongford. You're wrong once again. In fact, It's obvious you're a jackass Canadian-Jew-lover that planted false evidence in an attempt to make your usually weak reports awesome. You know Howard loves me and he gets the highest ratings when I call in or If I am mentioned in any way. You are also aware of the fact that the ratings take a major dive whenever your weird Canadian-accented voice is broadcast.
"Idea!" says Wrongford in a very Canadian fashion, "I'll use Eric The Actor's awesome on-air prowess to get some good air time to impress the all mighty HOWARD."
He then has a few a-holes call in to Howard 100, then he goes live with bullshit fuckin lies about me picking my nose on camera.
Hey Wrongcanuk, When is the last time your nose itched, jackass? I would never pick my frickin nose on my awesome webcam, douche-turd Langford! My hands are all twisted and claw like. Its hard to tell what they are doing at times because they bend at unnatural angles. I was simply giving my best shot at itching my nose. A hard task, considering the unfortunate shape of my hands, but in the end I always manage. Not before accidentally slipping my fingers into my mouth, though. Langford(wrongford) says I slipped a juicy nostril nugget in my mouth, chewed, displayed an expression of pure enjoyment, smiled a bit and then licked my chops. Its not true. It was an itch.
Steve Langford is a slinger of Canadian lies and must be stopped. You all know what needs to be done.

Bye for now!

The truth about the "balloons" incident

Ok. This has been weighing heavy on my mind as of late. I want to reveal to everyone reading my official blog the real reason I refused to fly with balloons ... Birds. Need I say more?
Of course I do. Most people that view my webcam or enter my chat room are moronic, so why should I think any different about you, oh jackassian reader?
Now I shall explain. Birds have sharp beaks capable of puncturing simple rubber, jackasses. If I were flying high, and some cock-eyed pelican came blundering through my air space at a sufficient speed, I could end up looking like a haggard hot-pocket some kid dropped on the sidewalk.

Looks like it's one more for the guy in the chair.
Additionally, a bird once dropped me on a rock.
This is the reason I have such a strange speech, pattern.
To sum it all up, jew Howard is a fat ass for trying to make me fly with balloons. Make the fat ass Artie tie a couple of hot air balloons to his neck and see if he can "fly with balloons", jackasses.
Robin is also ballooning up again, cackling bitch.

Bye for now! :)

Im here

This is the official blog of Eric The Actor. I will be updating this blog regularly in a few weeks.
For now, Check out the JFSC Stickam page: http://www.stickam.com/profile/jfsc

Bye for now!